so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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