i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
