sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
