I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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