You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
