im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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