i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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