My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
