She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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