I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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