Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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