he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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