If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
