Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
