then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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