Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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