it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
