she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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