just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
