hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
