The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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