No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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