Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
