Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
