I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
