That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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