just tell him i said nine months
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
