No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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