You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
