my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
