Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's always time for handjobs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
