Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
