I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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