So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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