u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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