in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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