I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need water and some morals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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