just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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