I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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