Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
