I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
