I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
