GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's the barista slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
