I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
