Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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