we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
