Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
