I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
