I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
