And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
