If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
