New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your penis caused this!
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