Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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