Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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