Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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