I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize