We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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