I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize