someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
