She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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