Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
