p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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