i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
