PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
