Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
