I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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