i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
