we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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