dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
