I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
