WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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